…And It Is All Starting To Make Sense
One week of induction and five weeks of an intensive Teach For America Summer Institute. In the depths of my thoughts, I somehow managed to convince myself that this would not be long enough to make me a teacher. Despite the fact that the educational arena and the dire need for someone like me to contribute something to this thing I like to call life chose me to become of representative of educators around the world, I wrestled with the fact that the academic, emotional, and essential future of countless children would lie in my hands. Was I ready? Could I handle the responsibilities that accompanied my commitment to TFA, my commitment to the diverse group of students who would serve as my first classroom while trusting me to be their fearless leader, and my commitment to myself to always be great?
I pondered and pondered over these questions. As institute continued to get more intense, to increase the amount of trainings and events that I had to attend, and to subconsciously depreciate that precious gift of sleep from my reality, my confidence began to “surprisingly” falter. For the first time in my life, I had to cope with a lack of confidence and belief in my abilities. I couldn’t admit it then, but now I am able to realize that teaching is hard; but more importantly, learning is even harder.
Although I was the “teacher”, I was also a student. Just as I was encouraging my students to learn, I too was being forced to learn. I was being reminded of the unfairness of life; I was being reminded of the existence of failure, whom I had not officially been introduced to prior to this point; and I was being reminded of the fact that everyday, life has a lesson and sagacious advice to offer, but I needed to be available to listen. In the midst of my frustration and questions, I was learning things: things about each of my students, techniques to motivate my students, classroom management skills, interpersonal development, and how to effectively exist within a collaborative. I was also learning things about myself.
And the more I learned, the harder I was on myself. I began to be my own worst critic. People were commended me on the things I was doing right; however, all that stood out to me were the things that I wanted to do better. Anything less than perfection was failure to me… but on Friday, July 15, 2005, this myth was shattered and eradicated from my existence.
Perfection is a utopian ideal that realistically could never exist. I could strive for perfection, which means that perfection is my “BIG GOAL”; however greatness would be the result. Honestly, I can handle greatness. On July 15, 2005, my students gave me greatness and I was the proudest person in the world. They were behaved, they listened, they participated, they made effort, and they were able to demonstrate self-control and respect.
My students in 310 asked questions, and in many instances, they were able to answer one another’s questions. And in Science, just when I thought they were not getting Newton’s Laws and compound machines, they built fabulous catapults and explained the roles that force and simple machines involved in their catapults. And to add the icing on the cake, my students in room 310 are the Vaux Catapult Champions… after a friendly competition with room 311, their catapult was able to launch things the furthest. They won!!! This win served as a confident booster for them. This win also served as an altering moment in their summer school experience. They realized that learning could be fun and if they applied themselves, the results of hard work were gratifying.
And as many of them left on a mission to enjoy their weekend endeavors, several students made enough time to stop and say “thank you”, “we did it”, and “I had fun”. At that moment, I too had my Institute’s pivotal moment. This was the point that it all started to make sense. Nothing we do is in vain. And as Newton’s Third Law of Motion reminds us, for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Diligence will inevitably result in progress; failure will inevitable lead to triumph as long as you keep trying; and if you are passionate and genuinely believe in what you are doing, others will begin to believe in you and themselves. Teaching is not just about lectures and books, or even instructing a classroom full of sophisticated angels. Nor is teaching an easy task. What teaching does involve are nobility, humbleness, diligence, endurance, faith, commitment and heart. I have all of these things… I AM A TEACHER!!!
I pondered and pondered over these questions. As institute continued to get more intense, to increase the amount of trainings and events that I had to attend, and to subconsciously depreciate that precious gift of sleep from my reality, my confidence began to “surprisingly” falter. For the first time in my life, I had to cope with a lack of confidence and belief in my abilities. I couldn’t admit it then, but now I am able to realize that teaching is hard; but more importantly, learning is even harder.
Although I was the “teacher”, I was also a student. Just as I was encouraging my students to learn, I too was being forced to learn. I was being reminded of the unfairness of life; I was being reminded of the existence of failure, whom I had not officially been introduced to prior to this point; and I was being reminded of the fact that everyday, life has a lesson and sagacious advice to offer, but I needed to be available to listen. In the midst of my frustration and questions, I was learning things: things about each of my students, techniques to motivate my students, classroom management skills, interpersonal development, and how to effectively exist within a collaborative. I was also learning things about myself.
And the more I learned, the harder I was on myself. I began to be my own worst critic. People were commended me on the things I was doing right; however, all that stood out to me were the things that I wanted to do better. Anything less than perfection was failure to me… but on Friday, July 15, 2005, this myth was shattered and eradicated from my existence.
Perfection is a utopian ideal that realistically could never exist. I could strive for perfection, which means that perfection is my “BIG GOAL”; however greatness would be the result. Honestly, I can handle greatness. On July 15, 2005, my students gave me greatness and I was the proudest person in the world. They were behaved, they listened, they participated, they made effort, and they were able to demonstrate self-control and respect.
My students in 310 asked questions, and in many instances, they were able to answer one another’s questions. And in Science, just when I thought they were not getting Newton’s Laws and compound machines, they built fabulous catapults and explained the roles that force and simple machines involved in their catapults. And to add the icing on the cake, my students in room 310 are the Vaux Catapult Champions… after a friendly competition with room 311, their catapult was able to launch things the furthest. They won!!! This win served as a confident booster for them. This win also served as an altering moment in their summer school experience. They realized that learning could be fun and if they applied themselves, the results of hard work were gratifying.
And as many of them left on a mission to enjoy their weekend endeavors, several students made enough time to stop and say “thank you”, “we did it”, and “I had fun”. At that moment, I too had my Institute’s pivotal moment. This was the point that it all started to make sense. Nothing we do is in vain. And as Newton’s Third Law of Motion reminds us, for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Diligence will inevitably result in progress; failure will inevitable lead to triumph as long as you keep trying; and if you are passionate and genuinely believe in what you are doing, others will begin to believe in you and themselves. Teaching is not just about lectures and books, or even instructing a classroom full of sophisticated angels. Nor is teaching an easy task. What teaching does involve are nobility, humbleness, diligence, endurance, faith, commitment and heart. I have all of these things… I AM A TEACHER!!!
posted by Alleviation at 4:17 PM
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