Road Trips

Today I embarked upon a road trip... music blasting, pedal to the medal, cruising. Physically, I was travelling across several states from Jersey to Boston... but this particular road trip may serve as more than a physical move. I feel like I am on a mental jaunt... travelling into the unknown. Life is the journy, and me being me, have somehow gotten myself lost. But there is no need for me to get angry ot flustered; I've lerned how to go along with detours. Nevertheless, this journey into the abyss renders me hopefully lost... this seems like such an oxymoron... but then again, isn't that all that life is anyway... one big oxymoron. But I'm lost in adulthood and nothing is going as planned. What makes us, as little girls, think that we can plan everything out for the future and life will just set aside as a submissive force and let us determine our own destiny without interruption. We inevitably grow up and realize that this is just not the case. But I won't complain because everything is a learning experience. But I must say, these mental road trips always leave me mentally fatigued.

Lesson of the Day: Mntal road trips can be adventurous or just downright exhaustive. Nevertheless, take in the scenery andopen your eyes, ears, and heart to the experience life is trying to show you.

In My Moment Of Selfishness, I Realized That I Miss What Once Was

In my life, I have always made an attempt to consider, honor, and respect other people when I act. I never had to try hard to accomplish this either; it's fair to say that it all came natural to me. Selflessness was a given as long as no one attempted to mistake my kindness for weakness or attempted to take advantage of my benevolence... I've had my share of this happening throughout my adolescent years. Nevertheless, there are moments when I place others on the backburner and think exclusively of myself. This seldomly happens, and it was only recently that I realized that it was okay to put yourself first. In my moment of selfishness, in which I cater to myself, think only of myself, and socialize with no one but myself, I realized that I missed what once was.

I miss the feeling of being surrounded my family, warmth, and love. I miss the common ridiculing exchanged between relatives, in which feelings occassionally get hurt but we all laugh it all. I miss having real friends, true friends, at arm's reach. I missed be encircled by love and affection. I miss being able to be free with self, not thinking about those closest to me making judgements or starngers labelling me because of my thoughts. I miss not feeling like I always have to justify something I say or do... not feeling obligated to oppress, repress, or surpress any part of who I am.

I miss laughing for no reason, living without the weight of burden on my shoulder, seeing life through irridescent lenses that refuses to let limitation and reality dominate creativity and perception. I miss things of the past that may never again comeinto existance. I miss the feeling of knowing that at this very moment, someone else is missing me. I miss so much becuase in a way, I have lost so much. I don't know what is becomming of me; but in my moment of selfishness, where I put me first and attempt to know the ins and outs of self, I realize that I truly miss what once was and what may never be again.

Lesson of the Day: There will come a point in one's life where one will become an emotional wreck fo no given reason. And in these moments of emotional instability comes the epiphany that there are things in the past that one took for granted... the little things that one never thought much about until those little things are no longer there. Never take anything or anyone for granted.