My Weekly Reflections

I have been missing in action lately; however, my thoughts continually flow. To make up for the Blogs I've missed this week and possibly next week (as my Teach For America Institute experience comes to a close on 7/30/2005), I have jotted down some of my weekly reflections:

1. What did you expect coming into Teach For America?

I expected to be the difference that I wanted to see. Educational inequalities are a reality of our existence; however, it does not have to be. Therefore, I was committed to contributing opportunities of equity for students. I expected that my mission would be supported and further nurtured by Teach For America. I also expected a new beginning composed of change.

My involvement with Teach For America has been a new beginning: there was always something new to accomplish, encounter, or endeavor... there was always a new lesson to learn and a new concept to teach... Inevitably, there was also always a new student for me to love and appreciate while encouraging them of their greatness. I am learning to not only accept but to also grasp the beauty of change... even when the change is something I had not anticipated or desired. Sometimes, you have to be willing to journey into the unfamiliar and start over new. This is a hard realization: jaunting into an Abysmal Vortex. How could I have known what the TFA institute experiences would have offered? The one thing I know is that everything happens for a reason and at the end of this institute journey is a lesson and experience that has made me stronger, wiser, and more developed and committed to making a difference in our communities. It is a change, a fresh awakening, a new beginning... and deep down, I cannot wait to see what will become of my walk down promoting and providing equal opportunities to education. I am involved and committed to the education movement of Teach For America.

2. What was you biggest challenge with an individual student this summer?

My biggest challenge this summer was motivating and inspiring my students. Much too often in the past, my students were reminded of their flaws, inconsistencies, or perceived inabilities. They were told of their inefficiencies as opposed to being reminding of their abilities to accomplish anything they set their minds too. For years, my students were belittled, discouraged, and criticized. How was I supposed to convince my unique students of their possibilities and individual strengths in three and half weeks? However, as a teacher and a human, I was committed to reminding them and rekindling the greatness and potential of each an every student I taught this summer. It was not easy; in fact, it was an everyday endeavor that paid off in the end when students began to realize that they could do it, that they were smart, and that they were worth it!!!

3. What was you biggest success with an individual student this summer and how did you achieve it?

I was very aware of the existence of an educational achievement gap; however, never could I have fathomed that the reality of this gap effected so many of our youths in such detrimental and devastating ways. My first day of teaching at institute, I was taunted by this achievement gap when one of my brightest students, who will be a ninth grader in the fall, was reading on a primer level. His ability to recognize and spell words was similar to a kindergartner or first grader. However, through weekly one-on-one sessions during Math/Lit Hour, I was able to help my student go from first grade one-syllable words to be able to recognize and spell at least forty-five multi-syllabic, upper-level words. And the eagerness and glow that my student exuded illustrated his joy, triumph, and declaration of his achievement, potential, and hope. This same experience reminded me of the beauty, power, and noble respect that encompass teaching.

4. What will you take with you from institute as you head to your region?

To have the opportunity to live life with a purpose and passion is a blessing. Living your purpose and fulfilling your passion is never guaranteed, nor is it always easy. After enduring institute, I am learning to take the good with the bad. The most important thing that I have realized through constant reflection and my TFA institute experience is that there is always a lesson in every struggle and a blessing in every lesson. I am blessed and honored to be a teacher! Truth: I am blessed to be alive and inspiring others to nurture their fullest potentials; I must strive to make the best out of my life.

5. What is your best memory from the institute?

Institute in itself is a memory that I will always cherish. I have learned so much: about myself, about my students, about Teach for America and its phenomenal staff, and about my fellow corps members who will become the educational leaders of the future. My memory of institute encompasses ups, downs, struggles, and inevitably triumphs. I will forever remember the newfound friendships, the bonds I developed with my students, the late nights lesson planning, the collaborative groups, the ability to function with or without sleep, the support within the TFA community, and the evolution of myself and others as teachers. It was a trying, difficult process… but the end results are ordinary individuals transformed into educational inspirers committed to removing the achievement gap, serving as agents for social change, and lovingly nurturing the youth of today into the leaders of tomorrow.

Additional Comments:

I am following the Teach For America path that was designed for me; however, I am finding ways to adorn and personalize it so that it can truly feel like a path of my own. I am accepting the fact that I will forever be in a constant state of evolution; therefore, I need to ensure that each change is for the better. I am honored to possess the ability to observe myself, my decisions, and my experiences in order to reflect and grow.
I am passionately engaged in Teach For America’s mission and I am dedicated to impacting the lives of and improving the educational experiences of my students.
I have learned that being a teacher is not only about me; being a teacher is mostly about each and every child that I encounter and strive to educate, encourage, and inspire. I am glad to have lived and breathed the beautiful air of Teach For America... it is an experience that will always consume a large part of my heart
I am grateful to be a part of Teach For America’s history... ensuring to contribute to the chapter of educational equality; but remembering to be humble, concerned, and forever committed to the mission.

BEGIN TO SEEK A LESSON

Have you ever experienced something that you hoped and prayed would come to an immediate end? For example, you were at work and you wished that your working experience would just cease; or if you were talking to a guy and you prayed that he would just disappear off of the face of the EARTH. Much to much, I sometimes find myself wishing that things disappear, erase, or come to an end. But lately, I am starting to realize that sometimes, the end comes to soon. Why do we tend to rush things? Why do we seek to alter the experiences that were divinely created for us? It is a proven fact that no one can experience exactly what you are feeling the way you are feeling it. Your experiences are yours; be cognizant of the lessons that are buried within. As opposed to rushing the experience, ask yourself what is in this for me to learn.

Lesson of the Day: As opposed to wishing for an end, begin to seek a lesson.

…And It Is All Starting To Make Sense

One week of induction and five weeks of an intensive Teach For America Summer Institute. In the depths of my thoughts, I somehow managed to convince myself that this would not be long enough to make me a teacher. Despite the fact that the educational arena and the dire need for someone like me to contribute something to this thing I like to call life chose me to become of representative of educators around the world, I wrestled with the fact that the academic, emotional, and essential future of countless children would lie in my hands. Was I ready? Could I handle the responsibilities that accompanied my commitment to TFA, my commitment to the diverse group of students who would serve as my first classroom while trusting me to be their fearless leader, and my commitment to myself to always be great?

I pondered and pondered over these questions. As institute continued to get more intense, to increase the amount of trainings and events that I had to attend, and to subconsciously depreciate that precious gift of sleep from my reality, my confidence began to “surprisingly” falter. For the first time in my life, I had to cope with a lack of confidence and belief in my abilities. I couldn’t admit it then, but now I am able to realize that teaching is hard; but more importantly, learning is even harder.

Although I was the “teacher”, I was also a student. Just as I was encouraging my students to learn, I too was being forced to learn. I was being reminded of the unfairness of life; I was being reminded of the existence of failure, whom I had not officially been introduced to prior to this point; and I was being reminded of the fact that everyday, life has a lesson and sagacious advice to offer, but I needed to be available to listen. In the midst of my frustration and questions, I was learning things: things about each of my students, techniques to motivate my students, classroom management skills, interpersonal development, and how to effectively exist within a collaborative. I was also learning things about myself.

And the more I learned, the harder I was on myself. I began to be my own worst critic. People were commended me on the things I was doing right; however, all that stood out to me were the things that I wanted to do better. Anything less than perfection was failure to me… but on Friday, July 15, 2005, this myth was shattered and eradicated from my existence.

Perfection is a utopian ideal that realistically could never exist. I could strive for perfection, which means that perfection is my “BIG GOAL”; however greatness would be the result. Honestly, I can handle greatness. On July 15, 2005, my students gave me greatness and I was the proudest person in the world. They were behaved, they listened, they participated, they made effort, and they were able to demonstrate self-control and respect.

My students in 310 asked questions, and in many instances, they were able to answer one another’s questions. And in Science, just when I thought they were not getting Newton’s Laws and compound machines, they built fabulous catapults and explained the roles that force and simple machines involved in their catapults. And to add the icing on the cake, my students in room 310 are the Vaux Catapult Champions… after a friendly competition with room 311, their catapult was able to launch things the furthest. They won!!! This win served as a confident booster for them. This win also served as an altering moment in their summer school experience. They realized that learning could be fun and if they applied themselves, the results of hard work were gratifying.

And as many of them left on a mission to enjoy their weekend endeavors, several students made enough time to stop and say “thank you”, “we did it”, and “I had fun”. At that moment, I too had my Institute’s pivotal moment. This was the point that it all started to make sense. Nothing we do is in vain. And as Newton’s Third Law of Motion reminds us, for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Diligence will inevitably result in progress; failure will inevitable lead to triumph as long as you keep trying; and if you are passionate and genuinely believe in what you are doing, others will begin to believe in you and themselves. Teaching is not just about lectures and books, or even instructing a classroom full of sophisticated angels. Nor is teaching an easy task. What teaching does involve are nobility, humbleness, diligence, endurance, faith, commitment and heart. I have all of these things… I AM A TEACHER!!!

A Thought Worth Thinking About

Perception is reality!!!

And reality constantly changes.

So if my life and reality is changing so much, why do I still feel the same way?

Silence

Some people have a hard time existing within that small space called silence. When it arises, silence is always labeled akward, disturbing, or abnormal. In some instances, silence may be the last thing needed; but on the other hand, silence can be golden. It can be all that is needed to express the thought of a million words.

Today's lesson: Today, I take a vow to reside in a space of silence... for a minute or an hour... regardless of how long, I will live in silence and absorb the lessons and serenity that it has to offer me. Silence can be Beautiful!!!!!!

Today's Epiphany

I realize now, finally, that every day has its ups and downs; and every thing happens for a reason. This is why people say that their lives are like rollercoasters. I must agree!!! However, the key to surviving the ride is knowing that ups and downs are coming and as opposed to complaining, get in the mindset of finding thrill, excitement, and enjoyment amidst the chaos.

Today's lesson: Yes, my life is a rollercoaster; BUT I am going to ride it until there is no where else for me to go.

What Accompanies Teaching?

What accompanies teaching?

Is it a smile in the mornings and a laugh at the end of the day?
Or is it a list of rules and procedures that are to be consistently enforced at all times?
Maybe it is the creativity that accompanies lesson planning?
Or even the diligence to remain calm at all times, even in those instances where internally, you are screaming just to maintain your sanity?
Are these the things that accompanies teaching?
ABSOLUTELY!!!!! But.... what about the rest?

Late nights, early mornings, disconnection with a large portion of the world, and reality if you are lucky;
Tightly scehduled days and overly-extended nights;
Praising those students who choose to listen and reprimanding those who don't;
Calling parents who are very receptive of your call and also consistently calling those parents who choose not to return them;
Making time to plan lessons and even more time to revise the lessons you just made;
Or even creating an activity on the spot because one of your students was just too fast...

...Smiling despite the fact that your heart is about to burst with pain for all the children you encounter and want to "save", not realizing that they are not helpless creatures waiting to be rescued, but instead they are powerful individuals with unlimited potential... if only you could help them realize this;
Or if only you could change the path of our current educational system, a system that somehow remains passionate and committed to educational inequalities that repeatedly let our children down... an educational system that accepts educational inequities and a sytsem that fails to realize that failure is never final.
Or how about complaining just to keep yourself from crying at the fact that you have 12 great students who have been forced to reside at a literary disadvantage because of the mark of their skin; and then having the epiphany that there are thousands more just like them throughout our regions.

How about connecting with and loving children that you have only known for a day; despite their flaws, loving the beauty and uniqueness of each and every student that you happily label as your own...
And I can't forget about those children who you feel that you were somehow meant to meet; and the ones who were honored to meet you; they just haven't figured out how to tell you.
Sadly, you must mention those students who reside in a life of violence and fear, hunger and humiliation, sadness and confussion... and yet they find a reason to still smile.
I must mention the children who overcome obstacles to learn and those who are never given the opportunity.

What accompanies teaching?

Emotion... and heart... and courage... and love... and passion... and patience... and humility... and the understanding that you will make mistakes but the deisre to strive for perfection nevertheless... and respect... and loyalty... and optimistic realism... and ME!!!!!!!

A State of Nothingness

I am sitting in a work area typing my life away... what will I teach my students on Monday, have I completed the lesson plans that must be submitted tomorrow?, whose parents do I need to call in the morning, etc... and yet I am stuck in a state of nothingness. It's a state of nothingness in which my soul feels peaceful. Despite the fact that I am currnetly residing amidst a sea of DEADLINES, stress, and hectic scedules, I am in a state of serenity. It's as if so much is going on yet somehow, none of it seems to internally effect me. My soul is in a state of nothing... no movement, no stressing, no worrying... a state of breathing, heavy thinking, and gentle dreaming. This is a special place for me; I rarely get a chance to make a jaunt there. But when I am in this state I like to call nothingness, I indulge and cherish the moment.

It's Friday

I find it amazing when a simple factor has the power to completely change how one feels. The one I am referring to is myself. Friday comes and it is as if a boost of energy enters my soul and mingles with my heart, spirit, and mind... and as a result, I am left with an irrefutable joy. A sense of peace and happiness that diminishes only when the day of Fri has rested. For some reason, I truly love Fridays... maybe it is because my feeling of peace is subconciously elevated; and in a sense, I am constantly walking the path of chaos and movement secretly searching for that thing known as serenity.

Truth of the Day: It's Friday

Time

Wise folks always say that there is always time. But is this really the case? Is it always possible to make time for things that somehow won't fit in your day?

Today will have to be a day in which I must disagree... I must stand up and disagree with the sagacious yet foolish people in the world who believe, or attempt to persuade others into believing, that there is always time. Sometimes, even if it is very seldom, there is just no time or at most not enough time for everything.

And how do I know this? What serves as my scientific proof? I do; I am my own case study. THERE IS SIMPLY NOT ENOUGH TIME!!! NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, I CANNOT POSSIBLY ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN PLACED ON MY PLATE.

Today's lesson: Always reach for the stars; if you fall short, at least you were able to get off of the ground. In other words, strive to accomplish much; but be strong and mature enough to know that it is okay to sometimes fall short.

The Purpose of Exhaustion

I am so exhausted...

Exhaustion is such an interesting topic/creation. Exhaustion is also one of the many things that dwells amongst the realm of simple complexities or complex simplicity. What does it truly mean to be exhausted? On the surface, it means to be tired, pooped, weak, fatigued, etc. However, below the surface, the meanings goes a little deeper. On one hand, it could mean that you have truly pushed yourself hard; that you went above and beyond and therefore, you should reward your body with rest. On the other hand, it could mean that you have not been pushing yourself hard enough; and so any little progress or strenuous activity results in the inability to endure.

I am exhausted... this I know. But what hand does my exhaustion stem from? And what about yours???

Short and Sweet

To have the opportunity to live is a blessing. Life is never promised; and so I am learning to take the good with the bad. The most important thing that I have finally realized through constant reflection is that there is always a lesson in every struggle and a blessing in every lesson.

Truth of the Day: I am blessed to be alive and I must strive to make the best out of my life.

July 3, 2005

Thank the Creator for allowing me to wake up today. I am learning that the key to life is finding a balance... finding that middle ground in which it is acceptable and actually preferred that one be his or herself.

I am understanding how to better manage myself so that I can have a more productive and peaceful life.

I am following the path designed for me; however, I am finding a way to adourn it and personalize it so that it can truly feel like a path of my own.

I am accepting the fact that I will forever be in a constant state of evolution; therefore, I need to ensure that each change is for the better.

I am honored to possess the ability to observe myself, my decisions, and my experiences in order to reflect and grow.

I am glad to have lived and breathed the beautiful air of July 3, 2005... a day never to be seen or experienced again.

I am grateful to be a part of history... ensuring to write the chapters of my life but being humble enough to let the Most High serve as my editor.

I am LOVE!!!

Live 8

Today, July 2, 2005, I had a pretty amazing day. I slept late for the first time in two weeks... no getting up at 5 a.m. this morning for me. I met up with a group of folks and we decided to go to Live 8. Live 8 was concert that occured in order to improve the economical state of Africa. The mission of the concert was to end poverty. And what's really cool was that it was a free concert... they did not want our money but they wanted our voices. The goal was to create a united front that demands to be heard and to have a voice in the decisions that are being made; and these are decisions that will not only affect us but our posterity.

Live 8 is a series of concerts and events across the world which are being staged to highlight the problem of global poverty. It's a chance for ordinary people to call on world leaders at this year's G8 summit, which is the leaders of the group of eight industrialized countries ( Great Britain, USA, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan and Russia), and tell them to put a stop to the needless deaths of 30,000 children every single day.

The concert took place in 10 different countries around the world; Philly was the only city in the that sponsored Live 8 and how divine of a blessing it was that I just so happen to be in Philly. Some of the other countries were Italy, England, France, Canada, and Japan.

"We don't want your money," said Live 8 banners . "We want you."

It was an awesome cause and a tremendous effort was put forth. Will Smith, Destiny's Child, Jay-Z, Sarah McLachlan, Maroon 5, Black-Eyed Peas, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, and Likin Park were a few of the performers. After leaving such a great event in which over millions attended, we decided to see more of Philadelphia and then settle on a movie (War of Worlds with Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning). I arrived back to Broad Street at approximately 11:45 p.m. Although I am in much earlier than I was last night, a night in which a large group of folks went bar hopping and topped the night off in a club dancing until 3: 00 a.m., I am still very content with my evening.

Life, as always, continues to fall into place. I could really see myself being a Philly/Jersey girl for a while.

Fantastic Friday

It is a fantastic day. I loved Fridays before, but after enduring the week I had, I genuinely appreciate and respectfully honor Fridays. I feel fabulous. This is the first time in a week that I can kick back, laugh, and see Philly for all that it is. No studying, no creating lesson plans, no late nights occupied with work. Just good old relaxing and wholesome fun with some of my fellow Teach for America Corps Members... Boy I love Fridays (Breath)!!!!